Paul ends four of his letters with the exhortation, “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” Similarly, Peter ends his first letter with, “Greet one another with a kiss of love.” What have you felt and thought when you read those words? Imagining greeting other churchgoers with a kiss leaves me feeling uncomfortable. I am grateful that very rarely have I attended a church that obeys literally the exhortation. As far as my thoughts about the command, I have not given any time to reflecting on its significance. I assumed it was a common greeting in that day and no more significant than me saying, “shake hands with each other at church.” And, the fact that I have never written or said that exhortation displays how little significance I give to it.
Recently I discovered I was wrong about my assumption. The holy kiss exhortation merits much more thought. Yes, those in the Roman world commonly greeted others with a kiss, but it was not done as casually or universally as I assumed—certainly not as casually or universally as my shaking hands when I meet someone. Like so many actions in the honor-shame culture of the time, people carefully calculated who they kissed. It served as a barometer of social standing. It drew a line. In a visible way, kissing communicated acceptance, inclusion, and honor. Or, if deeming the other person not worthy of a kiss, withholding a kiss communicated inferiority or shame and exclusion. (We see both in Luke 7, Simon the Pharisee not greeting Jesus with a kiss and the woman seeking to make up for the slight by kissing his feet. Think of the significance of the father kissing his wayward son in Luke 15.)
Joel Green writes, “The kissing Peter mentions was mutual (“greet each other”), allowing for no markers of elevated status or heightened honor. It was inclusive of all within the household of believers. Peter qualifies this greeting as a ‘kiss of love,’ underscoring his understanding of this simple practice as an apt summary of the whole of his teaching concerning relations within the family of Christ-followers.” The significance of this greeting of mutual affirmation grows even greater when we consider that the Christians Peter writes to have been shamed and shunned by their neighbors—something he seeks to counteract in this letter. (For an exploration of the honor-shame theme in I Peter, I highly recommend Yuya Ono’s MA thesis. Write him for a digital copy.)
Part 2 – Holy Kissing: Its Equivalent Today?
It took a while to jump through all the logistical hoops, but I am again leading a weekly Bible study in a county jail—this time Cumberland County, Maine. My second week there, an inmate who I’ll call Dave, told me he would get out in a week. Looking me straight in the eyes he said “I have to continue doing what I have done here in jail. On my own I will just slide back into old patterns. I need God.” I asked where he would go to continue in Bible study and get support. Then I said, “Do you have a church in mind?” He said, “Churches wouldn’t want a person like me.” Sadly, I could not just say, “Of course they will welcome you.” So, I said, “Some churches will.” I named a couple that I knew would. Dave needs to be greeted with the equivalent of a holy kiss by other Christians.
The holy kiss did not just symbolize acceptance and inclusion, but because of how kissing functioned in Paul’s society, the holy kiss actually accomplished what it symbolized. What are similar acts we can do today? Where society draws lines of separation, what can we do to demonstrate that those lines do not function in the church? Dave correctly perceives that many in society look down on him and will shun him. What acts can we do that will construct an alternative experience in the church? With Paul, we proclaim that in Christ there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, male and female, and the list could go on: neither formerly incarcerated nor never arrested, neither red nor blue, neither documented nor undocumented, neither those with a college degree nor those without one, neither poor nor rich, etc. It is one thing to proclaim it. How do we make it a felt reality? Looking someone like Dave in the eye, shaking his hand, and welcoming him to church is a start—more than he thinks he will get. But not the same as a holy kiss. Table fellowship, inviting others to share a meal, comes to mind as a holy-kiss-type act. What are others you can think of? Pease share them with me. Let’s start practicing them with other sisters and brothers in Christ that society would not expect us to be treating with acceptance and respect.
This blog was inspired by a Substack post by Joel B. Green, “Holy Kissing: A Reflection on Embodied Faith,” Aug. 3, 2025. The quote above is from the post. See also his recent post on table fellowship.